I have an appointment to get my haircut in an hour, my house is dark and I’m eating last night’s leftovers for lunch, AND I already know what I’m going to make for tonight’s dinner, so take that (are vegetables REALLY necessary?), and lately I’ve been walking around with a permanently clenched jaw because my dad was denied the heart pump because his aorta’s too crunchy (actual medical term) and so it’s just a matter of maximizing the efficacy of his meds (does anyone else love the word efficacy?), BUT he’s walking almost on his own now and totally eating and pissing off my mom so I think he’s feeling better; I still have a sore throat and have decided that this cold and I are done, finito, and can I have a vacation now?
That was the longest sentence I’ve ever written. If I’d known that’s how it was going to go, I would have alerted Guinness.